Conversation with an old crush

Something super rare just happened. I don’t usually have deep talk after 11 pm, but tonight something went different.

I have? had? a crush on my classmate since the first time he entered the classroom. I tried to figure out to talk to him and get to know him. He seemed nice and friendly and our humor just matched fine. Of course as a person that has always been passive towards this romantic relationship, I made the first move. I texted time to time but unfortunately the feels weren’t just there, and it felt like he was not interested in me. So I stopped going into that way, and started to treat him as a little brother/bestie/whatever you call it but definitely not a crush anymore.

Well yeah I must admit that he’s good looking, very talk active, and he’s ok. I still admire him, although there are certain things I don’t like about him. It’s just fine. But tonight, I got to spent some time off class. He talked about his feelings and how it’s hard for him to find the perfect one. As he went talking and talking, I realized that this person may not be the right fit for me.

And it came to my realization that as a person, it is important to feel content, then one can start finding love. I should do whatever what I want to do, I should go wherever I want to go, and nothing can ever stop me. I need to stop giving a f*ck of what people say about what I do because none of them matters — what matters is my happiness, my achievement, my well-being.

He’s scared of trying, and going out of his comfort zone, his own cage. But you will never know if you don’t try right? I was once like him too. But that’s what I have been trying, getting out of my comfort zone. Yeah of course I know when to stop — all these lesson learned from the past have taught me to know when to draw the line. All of these things are important so I might unlock things I’ve never experienced before. Which is great.

Honestly I don’t know what I am writing here, maybe I just want to dump this mixed feeling. Imagine listening to your crush about his love life and realized that there are so unexpected to the point that you start wondering about lots of thing. Like LOTS.

I wish him the best. I really wish he got the “slap” he needed to make him realize that he’s more than just the good-looking guy. I should’ve said that as we parted ways.

And if you ever found this writing, I really do hope the best for you. Sorry if I was a little harsh when saying things to you.